just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
