I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
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