yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize