Ketchup is God's man juice
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
