I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
