did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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