you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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