Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
