This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
