Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
