I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
