At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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