i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
