in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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