So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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