he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
