hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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