She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
