I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am midnight drunk by noon
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
