Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
