For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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