I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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