If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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