im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
