dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
