STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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