This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
