Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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