there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
