her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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