My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize