Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
