I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize