I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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