I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
