there was a trapeze. enough said
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
