i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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