I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
