everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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