i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
