you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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