I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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