Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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