well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
