I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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