I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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