Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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