I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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