Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
nutella sex= disaster
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
