Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
