We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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