a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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