they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Sext me about skeletons
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
