u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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