I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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