I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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