Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
