I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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