Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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