So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
