My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
is wine microwaveable?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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