my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
