Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
