He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
