I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
