I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
