found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
