How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
