He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
