the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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