what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize