??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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