You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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