Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
