if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
you never un-have a 4some
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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