I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
