i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize