I met the friendliest cop last night
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Two words: blizzard sex
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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