it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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