I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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