at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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