was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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