I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How external is "for external use only"?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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