Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
