The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
