the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
