tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
