Acid is not a monday night drug
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
