I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
