hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
