Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Jerry, you need to find god
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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