what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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