who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
