I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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