We won't sleep together?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
