You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
