You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
