Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
